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Ken Revell on Partisan Bickering:
"I say
we freeze water on the floor of the house and senate. We hire Wayne
Gretsky. When somebody gets out of line, Gretsky will skate up to him
or her and bust them in the head with his hockey stick and if they're
still conscious, they have to sit in a penalty box with Ralph Nader
for two minutes. The bickering will stop within a week." |
Ken Revell on Chads:
A chad
may be "hanging," "swinging," "dimpled," or "pregnant." . . . I hear
that Miami-Dade has, located in South Beach precincts, "a significant
number" of voter cards that are being identified as having homosexual
chads. There is an indentation but it was "poked" from the rear. The
Gore campaign has requested that each of these ballots be counted as
two votes. William Daley has accused the Republicans of attempting to
silence the "gay" vote. |
Ken Revell has obtained the super secret transcript of the 2:00 am
conversation between Bush and Gore on election eve:
GORE: I
take it back, I ain't conceding.
BUSH: You "cain't" take it back.
GORE: I just did. Richard, ah, that is Bill Daley told me that Florida
is too close to call.
BUSH: Tell that fat ass Daley to go back to counting graveyard votes
in Chicago . . . besides, my baby brother swears that I got you
whipped in Florida. . . .
GORE: Your baby brother ain't calling this dance, Monsieur.
BUSH: If I could reach through this phone, we'd settle this thing
right now. I've been wanting to whip your wimpy nerd ass ever since I
first saw you. . . .
GORE: Well, you don't have to get snippy.
BUSH: Snippy? Snippy? Did you say snippy? |
Ken Revell, a lawyer, translates the US Supreme Court Opinion
overturning the Florida Supreme Court for the lay reader:
US
SUPREME COURT: After reviewing the opinion of the Florida Supreme
Court, we find “that there is considerable uncertainly as to the
precise grounds for the decision.”
TRANSLATION: After reviewing your decision 406 times, we still "cain't"
figure out what law you relied upon to come up with that piece of . .
. well . . . what you wrote. It just don't make no sense. We've seen
more well reasoned, legally sound decisions come out of the 4th grade
moot court competition in Jackson, Mississippi. |
Ken Revell on the
Southland:
“Let my
feet and my heart and my soul forever be planted in a land where
‘gimme some sugar’ ain’t got nothing to do with Dixie Crystal. Where
neighbor consoles neighbor with a bowl of potato salad. Where old
dogs and old men sit in the shade of a big oak and bream-fish from a
pond. Where old women teach their granddaughters how to knead dough
for homemade cat-head biscuits while chickens scratch around in the
yard.”
Ken Revell on
Government Programs:
“Giving
away someone else’s money does not make you charitable. You want to
be charitable? Give away your own money.”
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