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I Love Cats, They Taste
Just Like Chicken
(Excerpt from "Red Bugs, Moonshine & the Book of Leviticus")

I love animals. I have many of them: chickens, turkeys, guineas, pigeons, ducks, dogs, parrots, goats, a horse, peacocks and more. Animals are fine things . . . some of them taste good too.

“Oh, you’re going to Hell for that one, my friend Jim Beau Pendarvis warned.

“What?” I asked.

“The PETA people, you know, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.”

“Oh!” I replied. It seems a bunch of them drove up from Miami and laid siege to the Jackson County Cattle Auction. One of them threw some blood that splattered all over Jim Beau’s brand new rattlesnake skin boots, which then caused Jim Beau to get blood and even a couple of boogers all over the knuckles of his right hand.

"Well those left winger vegetarians couldn’t possibly condemn me to Hell, since they don’t even believe there is a Heaven or a Hell. So, how could they send me to a place they don’t even believe exists.” I felt relieved. But then, the Spirit convicted me of feeling relief from their disbelief, so I decided to call them and minister to them.

“People for the ethical treatment of animals,” the lady (sorry) the woman, answered.

“I would like to know why you folks don’t believe in heaven or in hell,” I asked.

“Is this a joke?” she responded just before she hung up the telephone.

Having the patience of Job, and recognizing my clear Christian duty, I called back.

"People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals . . . ” the lady . . . woman, answered the telephone again.

“I’m considering a sizable contribution to your organization, I responded . . .” and I just have a couple of questions first.

“I’ll certainly try to help you if I can,” she said.

“Do you people believe in a Heaven and/or Hell?” I asked.

“I’m not sure that PETA has on official position on such things,” the woman responded.

“Well, what about you, just you,” I pressed on.

“I’m not certain,” she answered diplomatically, “What about you, do you think there are animals in Heaven?” she asked.

“Well of course I do. We know that Jesus has a horse, so I don’t see why the rest of us can’t have some animals too,” I responded. “You see,” and I went straight to the point, “We all have fallen short of God’s perfect will for our lives . . . ” I continued, “that is . . . we are stubborn, sort of like jack asses, and we have all rebelled against God’s ways and have chosen to pursue our own ways. His ways are better. If we will give up our jack ass ways and surrender to Him, He is faithful to forgive us,” I said.

“So do you believe that your animals are going to this heaven with you?” she asked.

“Yes, I most certainly do!” I responded. “Well, at least the ones that I’ve not yet eaten when the time comes” I added.

“Go to Hell, you redneck bastard!” she screamed just before the “SLAM” of the phone.

Another believer. Maybe I should become a preacher.